How to Kill Monsters: A Bloody, Hilarious Monster Bash
by Justine Norton-Kertson
Fans of Lovecraftian terror and horror-comedy, the December 6 release date for How to Kill Monsters is right around the corner. This film promises to be the gory, gut-busting thrill ride we’ve all been waiting for. Directed by Stewart Sparke and penned alongside Paul Butler, this throwback creature feature from Dark Rift Horror and RO Pictures—makers of Book of Monsters and The Creature Below—channels the wild, over-the-top energy of 1980s cult horror. With its outrageous practical effects, relentless gore, and unapologetically retro vibe, the film is poised to carve out its place as an instant cult classic.
A Plot That Hits the Ground Running
Unlike most monster movies, How to Kill Monsters kicks off where the action would typically end. Jamie Lancaster (Lyndsey Craine), the "final girl" of a cabin massacre, has survived a night of terror and slain the beast responsible. But instead of a triumphant ending, Jamie’s nightmare has only just begun. Dismissed as a deranged killer, she’s arrested and hauled to a police station where her claims of otherworldly horrors fall on skeptical ears.
Unfortunately for the disbelieving cops, Jamie’s story proves all too real when evidence from the massacre—a cursed spear—opens a gateway to another dimension, unleashing a horde of grotesque Lovecraftian creatures into the station. Jamie must team up with an unlikely crew of rookie cops and eccentric criminals, each as flawed as they are ill-prepared, to fend off the onslaught and find a way back to reality.
One of How to Kill Monsters' standout features is its dedication to practical effects, which bring its menagerie of monsters to vivid, tactile life. From screeching mini-monsters reminiscent of Gremlins to a heroin-happy slug and a towering, tentacled monstrosity evoking Lovecraft’s Cthulhu, the creature designs are as inventive as they are grotesque. The gore is similarly practical, delivering fountains of fake blood and guts that harken back to Dead Alive-era Peter Jackson. Digital effects, used sparingly, add a retro charm without overshadowing the tactile mayhem.
Lyndsey Craine delivers a compelling performance as Jamie, balancing terror and determination as she leads her ragtag band of survivors. Among the ensemble are standouts like Nicholas Vince (Hellraiser), who hilariously portrays a hardened inmate regretting his freedom, and Rebecca-Clare Evans, whose “Big Jenny” steals scenes with her outrageous antics. The group’s absurd mix of personalities—including two bickering brothers, drunk bridal party members, and petty criminals—adds a layer of hilarity to the blood-soaked chaos.
Nostalgia Done Right
Everything about How to Kill Monsters feels like a love letter to an era when horror was gloriously messy, cheeky, and absurd. Sparke and Butler lean into this aesthetic, crafting a film that doesn’t just embrace its retro roots but revels in them. From the lovingly old-school effects to the ‘90s-flavored CGI and meta humor (the opening credits hilariously start rolling mid-scene), the movie captures the anarchic spirit of cult classics while delivering its own unique flavor.
At its core, How to Kill Monsters is a celebration of unrestrained fun. It’s the kind of film you watch with friends, a pile of snacks, and maybe a few beers, ready to laugh, cringe, and cheer in equal measure. Whether you're a fan of practical effects, love Lovecraftian horror, or simply want a movie that dares to be unapologetically ridiculous, How to Kill Monsters offers 95 minutes of gleeful, gory escapism.
So grab your popcorn and prepare for the blood-soaked ride of your life. Just remember: never underestimate the power of teamwork… or a heroin-laced cake.
