GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: Sasquatch’S AWAKENING
Alone in the woods, Dave had eaten way too many psychedelic mushrooms. So when a massive figure—hairier than an overgrown lawn, with eyes that glowed like fireflies emerged from the shadows and stood over his campfire, he didn’t even panic.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: CHAMP 2.0
Billy Walsh was a shitty, mad scientist whose anger caused a lot of issues in his life. With an emphasis on mad—he was also an arrogant, grudge holding asshole with mommy issues, whose rich parents footed the bill for his life. The people of Ticonderoga, NY, had shunned him after The Incident (which involved a genetically mutated squirrel, a taser, and an unfortunate explosion at the Stewart’s gas station). But tonight, revenge would be his.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: MARIO’S SPECIAL PIZZA
Mario, the lab’s most promising chimpanzee, had always been curious. His handlers, marveled at his growing intellect as they pumped him full of experimental pharmaceuticals. The VR headset, designed to boost his cognitive abilities, was his gateway to a new world. The only thing Mario loved more than the pizza he was given for doing a good job in VR by his favorite scientist, Dr. Kim, was the world itself. He excelled at navigating through it unlike the other chimps—those vibrant landscapes, the endless possibilities were a respite from the real world and cruelness at the hands of Dr. Keller. But today, something was different.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: RABBIT MEAT
Ben awoke violently to the sound of a large thud. The smell of damp earth and rot filled his nose as he opened his eyes. His wrists burned from the ropes binding him to the cold, wooden floor of the dilapidated house. He turned, realizing now, that the noise that brought him back to consciousness was his best friend, Jake. His lifeless body leaked a pool of blood onto the floor. A grotesque, half-rabbit figure stood over him menacingly. Ben looked into its eyes, glowing with malevolent hunger. The cultists, draped in filthy, ragged rabbit masks, left the room. Ben could see them through the open door in the hallway as they circled the altar, chanting in a language that made his skin crawl.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: THE DEMON’S DESERT
Grandma rocked in her chair, the firelight flickering in her cloudy eyes. “Your great-grandfather told me stories, bambina. From Calabria, where he was a boy. Dark stories.”
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: WOLFMOTHER
Rachel crouched in the darkness, fingertips brushing the metal band at the base of her skull. Below, five men laughed—her family’s murderers.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL
Stephanie had always been curious about the mushroom gummies her friends raved about. One warm July evening, she donned her mother's vintage Motley Crue "Shout at the Devil" shirt and snuck out to meet Fiona and Katie behind the library. Eagerly, she grabbed a handful of Katie's psilocybin treats, consuming four times the recommended dosage before they all shared a joint to kickstart the experience.
GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: LENA
Lena had never seen the app before. A black icon with a blinking red eye sat on her home screen, though she didn’t remember installing it. Curious, she tapped it.