GOD HATES HEAVY METAL: Sasquatch’S AWAKENING

Alone in the woods, Dave had eaten way too many psychedelic mushrooms. So when a massive figure—hairier than an overgrown lawn, with eyes that glowed like fireflies emerged from the shadows and stood over his campfire, he didn’t even panic.

Before Dave could scream, the Sasquatch lunged. He was shredded faster than a paper towel in a blender. Dave’s screams turned to gurgles as the beast tore into his stomach, ripping out entrails and chewing on them like they were gourmet snacks. The Sasquatch’s enormous hands dug deeper, pulling out a handful of mushrooms, and without hesitation, it popped them into its mouth.

After it slowly gorged to satisfaction over the next half hour, the creature stood up and farted loudly. As he scratched his hairy ass, the world warped around the beast. Colors bled into each other, and the fire shimmered with strange patterns. The Sasquatch’s eyes widened as it felt its mind unravel. Through a glowing red light descending from the heavens, a strange eye-like being floated. The Sasquatch stared in awe, communicating through thought alone, trying to make sense of the cosmic whispers.

Suddenly, the Sasquatch felt something... guilt? It looked down at the mangled camper and mournfully cradled Dave’s head. "Come back to life," it thought, holding the severed skull close. It stared at the glowing light above, waiting for a sign, as it swayed, lost in the psychedelic haze. Dave’s empty gaze looked back in the Sasquatch’s eyes at it knelt down by the fire and wept.

Art and story by Hal Hefner.
Produced by Catmonkey Studio